When you believe...

This story begins a few months ago, somewhere at the end of summer but I am not sure.

After a long day at work I arrived at the train station and found out there were no trains going anywhere. Well isn't that just great....
So the other passengers and I waited in front of the station for a bus to arrive and bring us to the next stop.
After a long wait that bus finally came and I took a seat at the front of the bus on the second row of seats. In the seats in front of me was a man and his son. Talking about all kinds of things; school, what they would have for dinner tonight and without him knowing that little boy made me laugh. I tried to hide it but oops dad noticed... Then I saw his eyes.. and they pierced me trough and trough.
The boy kept talking and I kept smiling and his dad kept looking.
I texted my friend about the situation and something in me wanted to give him my number but of course I didn't. O that bus ride couldn't last long enough! But unfortunately there was the train station and we lost sight of each other.

In the following months I saw them a few times. Always on a Friday always on the 17.40 train. I tried to catch that train just to see him again. Every time I saw him nothing but smiles and that was it.
The last time I saw him he followed me to the bench where I always wait for my next train. I really thought he was finally going to say something! But no, he didn't. Just smiles and he got on the elevator. Well fine! I thought to myself. If a grown man can't even speak to me I will do it! So I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper and kept it in my cellphone case for weeks/months just in case I would see him again and I could give it to him. Every morning before work I checked if it was still there, especially on Friday's cause you never know.

I rehearsed the moment a thousand times in my mind I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how I would say it. He would follow me to the bench again away from the crowd and I would say "excuse me.. you dropped this" give note and walk away, try not to trip over your feet!!!

Of course it didn't happened as planned...

Weeks of snow and cold had caused many trains to be delayed or fall out. That Friday was no exception.

I already missed the first train but lucky for me the next one came, a little delayed but it was there. I was already quite cold so I decided not to wait on the platform for my next train but go inside the station to warm up a little. My next train was delayed too and my mood wasn't getting any better. I was cold, tired and Maggie was waiting for me to come home. "I'm coming Maggie" I told her in my mind, "wont be long now"

I was just standing there playing with my phone and waiting, trying not to think about the cold, listening to my music. When I looked up I couldn't believe it.. There he was!! Walking right towards me!! It was clear to see that he was fed up with the trains too and trying to get home with his son. I stared at him until he realized I was looking and when he saw me his grumpy face disappeared and there was that smile again and that sparkle in his eyes. He kept walking to the exit and looked back once more to smile at me.

This was it! The moment I had been waiting for for months! It has to happen NOW!!

With frozen fingers I tried to find the little piece of paper I kept for so long, why did I make it so small! Pounding heart, racing pulse.. You can do it! Go for it! Trying to find enough courage to go after him and say the words I had been rehearsing for all this time.

I saw him get some food and I waited for him to come back and walk passed me again. I guess he didn't see me cause he walked back upstairs to the other exit. I followed him again and started to doubt all this craziness. It felt like everyone was watching me following him again to the other exit. Yes, No, Yes, No, YES!!
Halfway down the steps I said "excuse me, you dropped this" at that moment I realized how ridiculously small this piece of paper was. "But what is it he replied.. O..."
I couldn't run up those steps fast enough.
Racing heart, sweaty palms, frozen toes, huge smile on my face.

Minutes went by... hours... even the weekend! And of course I understood he had his son to take care of so I didn't really expect a message that weekend. But then came Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...
Everyday my niece asked me "well?!!" "nothing :(" was my answer. What a ***
I even forgot about it at times. Only to be reminded by the missing piece of paper in my cellphone's case and my niece asking about it.

Thursday was an exciting day. I had a job interview and was going to visit my friend who had her baby on Tuesday. Sweet little Dauphine sleeping in my arms made me forget about the world but most of all forget about him.

That night after a long and exhausting day and many delayed trains later I almost fell asleep on the train when I got a text. Someone called E. who had been doubting to text me for a week and was hoping to see me again soon. I truly had no idea who this was and sent a text back trying to get more information about this person to find out who it could be.

The next text changed everything... He told me how he already wrote about 50 messages but deleted them all instead of sending. And that he had missed seeing me on the train lately and that he thought I was very brave giving him my number that Friday....

My heart skipped a beat and my hands started shaking.. It's him! It is HIM!

I had to get out the train fast and run to the next one meanwhile thinking about what just happened. I never thought he would text me after such a long time but he did... Now what?!

Only a few days have past since then and we haven't stopped talking..

Turns out he spotted me long before that bus ride but just never had the courage to say something, also because his son was always there with him. And he is very happy I did this cause he wasn't brave enough.

I know it has only been a few days and everything can happen. But I have to say that my niece was right...
It is like a fairy tale...


To be continued....

I can't believe tomorrow is the end of yet another year. Where did the time go and what was I doing!? Looking back at the end of the year always makes me a little sad.But this year is different. I can't wait for it to be over and let a new one begin. Also can't wait to take down the Christmas tree. Normally I can't wait to put it up and leave it standing until people start looking at me strange for still having it up, usually around March. Something about the lights and the warmth Christmas brings I guess. This year no reasons to be jolly.

I have lost and found.. love, friends, jobs but most of all me. I thought I had a pretty good idea of who I was and what I wanted in life.. turns out I was wrong. Of course my main goal has not changed but the way to it maybe.

After I came back from Wales everything changed. I had no job, no house and not much life left in me to fight. What was there to fight for... There was only 1 reason left to get up in the morning and that was to walk Maggie. Yes, I had a sweet boyfriend at the time. Kind and trying to understand, but there is no way he could understand so that didn't last long.

The girl who I was staying with at the time turned out to be exactly the kind of girl who I thought she was, not my kind of girl to be friends with. I am thankful to her for letting me stay that long and I am sorry we didn't turn out to be the friends who we thought we were.

After I got my current job in February it didn't last long until I found the house I am living now in April. It didn't need much fixing, just a splash of paint here and there.  Too bad I won't be able to live here long because it is on the list be torn down. No one knows when, I'm just praying it wont be for a very long time.

2012 wasn't a really good year for dating I guess. I tried.. and failed... And of course it is never me it is always them. Or was it the other way around?

2012 also was not a really good re-enactment year. We tried... and failed... Well drowned was more the word. Almost every event was cancelled because of rain. Except for Xanten the Movies and Trier. Also the most fun events. Too bad Trier is not coming back anymore. But he! Next year is Marle!! Can't wait to go back there. We went there in 2010 and man it was HOT! And I not just talking weather. The girl in the blue dress and The Wolf met and a great friendship started. 3 year anniversary next year back in Marle.

This was also the year I realized I am no longer "the daughter of" but my own person. Just in time to set myself free from the man who my dad has become. If this is who he has always been, I am not sure why I looked up to him all these years.

Can't say everything was bad. I had 1 big success this year. At the beginning of this year I designed and crocheted a blanket for me. People in the Facebook groups I had joined requested a pattern for the blanket they called "the Wendy Blanket". So I wrote down the pattern and shared it with them. I placed it on Ravelry for people to download for free. After only 2 months it was downloaded over 2000 times! I couldn't believe it! So I followed the advice of some friends on Facebook and placed a price tag on it. Not too big, but enough to get a profit from it. In the last 9 months I sold 202 copies! Yep just checked, we are over 200 :)
Also.. one of the groups on Ravelry had a poll to vote for a CAL in 2013; that is Crochet A Long, meaning people from everywhere working on the same project and sharing ideas, pictures, tips and what not.
My pattern got chosen for the poll and won! With 38% of the votes. I still can't believe it and it makes me want to design more. But that is not something you can force out of you. I am sure one day I will have another great idea for a knitting or crochet pattern.

I don't and wont have any new year resolutions. Or maybe just to take life day by day and not let it slip away again.

It has been a long week. Working 5 days getting up at 5 am and going to bed around 21 really killed me. I could also see Maggie was bored to death stuck in the house the whole week. So today I took my bike and came to the lake. Normally I would just do a lap around and go home but this time I decided to stick around a little. Speaking of sticks.... Maggie found a huge one and kept placing it at my feet begging me to throw it. After ignoring her a little she started playing with it by herself in the leaves. She loves playing in leaves. Best game is when I kick them in the air for her to catch. But here were so many leaves she could dig in them and throw them around herself. I think she had a great time. She is more than dirty and smells of autumn. Just the way I like it.
I have hot chocolate with whipped cream and a sweater to be knit waiting for me at home but I think I will stay a little longer. Staring at the water, listening to the new Stone Sour album, love it!, and watching Maggie play is all I need for now I think.

 Now how can you say no to this face